ha ha ha just checkin out my new blog yay

Anyway the other day i saw J and if you wanna know, i guess i sort of let go already. I still kinda had a tinge of erm...... what ever it is its not a nice feeling( sadness???? ) when i saw him and his only respond was a nod and maybe a "hi" ( which i dont even remeber if he did say hi). Anyway its only for a while that i felt that way. Then after that it was all over.......

Anyway i wont persue it any longer. its not worth my time and all. I would spend some effert in this but when there is not a noticeable respond then its no longer worth it. Some might say that this means that i am not that deeply into this . But i say the deepest kind of love is when you love yourself as much as u love him. Its never worth to let yourself love some one sooo deeply that you forget yourself. That might be seen as putting up a protective shield. And i would say it is, because trust me, every one is only human, if only to find one day that day that he does not like u any more. Not intentionally but somehow things change and its not working out any more. Then when you give ur everything, ur whole life, whole existence to him, that is when you will loose evrything together with his absence.

It is always wise to allow yourself to function independantly while you are in a relationship. No matter how blinded you are, make yourself think!!!!!

dont just allow yourself to fall deeper into it without thinking. there is a very thin line between loving and obsessing and here is where you need to hold true to urself.

Rae understand ??? ka ka ka." Love only makes you blind if you want it to." when u allow it, this is when you already failed in a relationship because you are not sustaining it but feeding on it.

Hahahaha you know what. Today while i was talking to my senior bout having no time after taking engineering and him saying that after u start working u will have less time. So i was saying it all depends on what u see as being sufficient. If you are satisfied with just leaving a simple live than then u will have more time. But if wat u look for is material satisfaction then you will have to spend much more time working.....

the next thing he said was ... u know u think too much. Stop thinking too much !!!

Hahah and i cant help but agree with him. And think about it , a guy who only spoke to me a while ( thats cause i only say hi and bye to him usually . And at most a few sentence. ) tells me i think too much. But then i cant help it... there is too much to contempelate. Ok tats all and now its back to my contempelating..........................

yesterday while on msn i got invited to J's bbq birthday party. dunno wats the details cause he went to do something only to return to say he gtg sleep cause he had a full day of entertainment the next day. So there it is. not sure whether i will be going. If cindy is not going i figure i might not cause i dont know many ppl there. And then also if i do go what present to get for him. I dunno why but presents for guys are soooo hard to get when u are on a budget.

edit : ok confirmed that cindy is going so i guess i will be going too. But then again there is the prob with what to get him for his present. suggestions ????
Btw i am just treating this as normal frens thing so dont try to make too much out of this ok u guys. i am already feeling numbed it aint matter any more.....